Tips for Managing the Burdens & Blessings of the Sandwich Generation

Three years ago, I turned 50. It is just a number. I don’t “feel” 50, yet my mind has a difficult time grasping that concept. It seems like just yesterday that I graduated from Chiropractic school (26 years ago), got married and now our children are young adults in high school and University. Soon they will be leaving home and going off to fulfill their dreams with lots of energy. Through all this, I think the most difficult part is watching my parents grow old.

Our parents’ generation worked hard, really hard. We grew up on a farm in the prairies. My Dad quit school in grade 8 to farm and my Mom was a country school teacher; she taught all 12 grades at once in the middle of nowhere. Who they are now is very different from when I was growing up. Time has taken its toll on their mind and body. Work on the farm was 7 days a week which accounts for healthy internal organs, but it’s the osteoarthritis that becomes the debilitating factor creating relentless pain. For some reason, as with many other elderly people, dementia has entered their lives. At times, I don’t think it is as much of a problem for them as it is for me seeing them struggle with it. In truth, I wonder if it is God’s way of allowing the elderly to forget their aches and pains – the physical pain and the mental pain of seeing their friends and family members pass away.

Tips for Managing the Burdens & Blessings of the Sandwich Generation

So here I am now a part of the “Sandwich” generation looking after my kids and my parents. It is not easy, yet I can’t see it being any other way. It’s a calling I can’t ignore. Maybe because I am the eldest son or just simply that is how I am wired.

In doing this for the past 9 years, or longer as it is all blending together, I have realized that there are some fundamental things that help get through this.

Hobbies

People that have hobbies tend to get through the day better than those that don’t. My parents, in their 80’s, don’t have hobbies. Their whole life revolved around the farm. Their passion was the farm; they created their own world. Hobbies allow the mind to escape and balance stress. I have always said “in life have a hobby, if you don’t have a hobby then find one”. For the people looking after their parents, make sure you are allowing yourself time to do your own hobby as it helps clear your mind to be a better person in making decisions and dealing with your parents on a daily basis.

Take a Break

It’s okay to take a break, holiday or time away from dealing with your aging parents GUILT FREE. Easier said than done. I struggle with it each and every single time, after I come back, I realize how much I needed to do that to preserve myself.

Talk to Others

Speak with others and ask for help. It is amazing how much I have learned when chatting with other people in the same situation. Little bits of information can make things much easier or open up possibilities that you would not have seen yourself.

Speak Up

Speak up and push back. When dealing with 3rd party people, whether government funded like CCAC or private Personal Support Worker (PSW) companies, make the situation work for you and most importantly for your parents. The focus is for the betterment of the elderly, not the CCAC coordinator, not the PSW, not the scheduler of the PSW company. If it is not working, find a different PSW and company if required. Be an advocate at the hospital and doctor’s office.

Take Care of Yourself

Look after yourself. You can’t be a spouse, parent and care giver without being healthy yourself.

Get Support

There is a new caregiver helpline through the Ontario Caregiver Organization 1-833-416-2273 to talk to someone for advice and support or visit their website at ontariocaregiver.ca

If you have questions about your overall health and wellness, you can call our clinic and speak to us or contact us.

– Dr. Darren Poncelet